56 Comments
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Student Of Life's avatar

Very impressive, very honest writing. And I would say very brave as well. Much of “civilization” consists of the frontal lobes trying to suppress the wild, unruly limbic system and its insistent demands. And it doesn’t usually work, or result in much happiness. I’m not sure how happy the inhabitants of monasteries and convents are; if they are happy then I’m glad they have found the right places for themselves. But that life doesn’t appeal to most of us, and we’ve got to grow up and get beyond the idea that it SHOULD appeal to everyone. The limbic system is as strong as it is because it’s done a damn good job keeping us alive and propagating our species, let’s give it its due. And I’m not saying we should give it free rein all the time. But let’s stop stigmatizing our needs.

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Olivia Labonte's avatar

this is medicine 🧡

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Marie-Elizabeth Mali's avatar

Thank you for receiving it, it’s meant to be. 🙏🏼🧡

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Peter T Hooper's avatar

I understand what you are saying here. I think I get it. If nothing else, we need to tell the truth about ourselves, to ourselves.

But what _I ask my myself_ is this: if my needs are of a kind to bring harm to others, am I justified in pursuing them?

I’m far less interested (in asking this) in the constructed, organized evil of civilization —with its panoply of armies, businesses, religions, etc — and far more interested in the ancient question of virtue.

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Marie-Elizabeth Mali's avatar

Absolutely! That is the question to ask.

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Marie-Elizabeth Mali's avatar

Yes! Well-said. 👏🏼👏🏼 And thank you!

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Sarah Ward's avatar

I so resonate with giving your hunger a voice! We grow up to be low-maintenance and not have any needs... but the needs don't go away, they just grow insistent.

Hello, Hungry Ghost. Join me at the table. Teach me about you, and about me.

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Marie-Elizabeth Mali's avatar

Beautifully said, exactly! Befriending is the way to go. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

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Mike's avatar

Its always good to see our instincts and hundreds of thousands of years of evolution be so legible and comprehensible.

Thank you for the read.

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Marie-Elizabeth Mali's avatar

Thank you so much. And you’re welcome!

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Ana-Alicia's avatar

Wooof I feel this and I appreciate this.

The way we swallow and try to choke these parts of ourselves only to realize that they grow even more in the dark and leak out in other ways. Like you said, the hungry ghost. Trying to find other ways to satiate it but it never quite hits…never feeling fully FED

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Marie-Elizabeth Mali's avatar

Thank you, yes, exactly. So key. 🙏🏼💞

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Some Vicious Mole's avatar

I realize it wasn’t the main point of the post, but that’s one of the only poems I’ve seen on Substack that’s actually good!

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Marie-Elizabeth Mali's avatar

I appreciate that, thank you! Glad you enjoyed it.

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Kadence's avatar

This hits wayyy deeper than I want it to

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Marie-Elizabeth Mali's avatar

I hear you… I’m not sure whether to offer condolences or congratulations! Either way, sending 💞💞💞.

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Rebecca Elswit's avatar

I really like this voice coming from you Mia

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Marie-Elizabeth Mali's avatar

Thank you! I appreciate that! 💞

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Amanda's avatar

Wow! Such a powerful piece. There are still times I find my inner child hiding from this same hunger. Thank you for sharing your experience and invitation to “stay out of the basement”.

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Marie-Elizabeth Mali's avatar

Thank you! And so important to hold your little one through her fear. 💞

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Jo Thomas 🌿's avatar

I love this post Marie! really speaks to me.

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Marie-Elizabeth Mali's avatar

Thank you so much!

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Liza Debevec's avatar

So powerful.

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Marie-Elizabeth Mali's avatar

Thank you so much.

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Nine O’Clock Moscow Time's avatar

Very good. I had this realization at age 33. I remember it clearly.

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Marie-Elizabeth Mali's avatar

Right?! It’s a memorable moment. Happy for you! 🙌🏼

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Amanda C.'s avatar

I feel very seen and I will be returning to this essay. Thank you for writing it.

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Marie-Elizabeth Mali's avatar

You’re so welcome. Thank you for letting me know.

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Rachel Simpson's avatar

I have definitely had an aversion to having needs and being wanted. I hate that I hate this about me. Thank you for sharing this, thus giving my needs a voice.

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Marie-Elizabeth Mali's avatar

I feel you and it’s so normal. By commenting, you’re already shifting it. Well done. 💞

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lou J's avatar

Thank you. No THANK you. Nah, those words are lame. But your words are just the catalyst I need for… too much to list.

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Marie-Elizabeth Mali's avatar

Thank you, I love the word "catalyst" — feel that I and my work are just that — so it makes me really happy that it landed that way for you. 🙏🏼

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Peter T Hooper's avatar

What do we do when we understand that civilization is actually an organized package of practices designed to grant a minority permission to gratify every need, desire, wish or whim while holding the great majority in check?

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Marie-Elizabeth Mali's avatar

Great question. Understanding the system to be set up that way, and morality not being imposed from outside in such a system, but rather being an inside job, I think we choose to act self-responsibly and seek to not do additional harm while addressing injustices we can have leverage with.

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Tara Deacon's avatar

I appreciate all of the honesty and rawness you poured out!! This is a really powerful peice!! I felt intimidated by it! It scared the hell out of me, to clarify not in a bad way!! This is really amazing writing!! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, experiences and perspectives it was a really fascinating read! It challenged me in a number of ways that need challenging....

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Marie-Elizabeth Mali's avatar

Thank you, I appreciate that. Wishing you well in unpacking what it brought up! 🙏🏼

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